i have, would i say a privilege? to see the socialisation of my self in 3rd-party form, which translated to simple terms would mean: through seeing how my mom raises qiao, i know how she raised xiao. My life since young must have contained a million ‘no’s and ‘don’ts’ and warnings, but perhaps differing from all three of my siblings, I was the one that actually listened. my younger sister seems resistant to all the cautions, i know my elder brother and sister were defiant to most. Sometimes I wonder why i’m the green apple out of all these reds, but since it happened, here i am.
it’s a terrible thing how much i resemble my mom in that aspect. A lot of things are ‘no’s and ‘don’ts’ to me, and as i am now encouraged, even pushed to experience new things, I find lots of warnings to head them off. This obviously makes me the not-fun mother of the groups i’m in, and of course, my world is cocooned from real experiences. Assuaged perhaps by what others tell me about how they felt while doing something, or having have stumbled upon a book or article that describes certain experiences, i come to feel as if i’ve went through it, and desire no actual need to really live it.
My mom still operates on her ‘no’s. But someone came along and made me realise feeling real experiences makes you so much more a human (though sometimes it beats you senseless with a stick) so i have been working on it! Please, however, excuse me from lapsing into old habits. Scold me when i’m becoming mummy, k? =)
