For some reason I’m ending today with anger. As usual, the source of the anger is again unknown. I know i shouldn’t be angry when my dad snaps at me (because his fuse is just short like that) or when i think that he thinks i’m a waste of money. I sometimes just feel like I can never hope to be as highly regarded to him as my siblings are. I know he listens to every breath of my brother’s, and he dotes and praises my sister’s artistic talents. He would like to read anything that i’ve written but i never give it to him because it’s just not good enough. I think he thinks i’m useless, or a runt, or just someone not worthy. But it’s all in what i think he thinks.
And though most of the time i think i do not care, and act nonchalant accordingly, it’s days like today that remind me how much i actually do.
I think i think too much.
I am a coward. It makes me keep all my opinions to myself, even though I was encouraged to let it out. I don’t think i’m significant enough. I’m afraid of looking like an idiot to you.
I hate being cut off when I’m talking.
I hate that i’m crying for the people who posted in postsecret.com, but at the same time i’m apathetic to everything that happens in this world. My sympathy is so momentary.
I’m very selfish and I don’t know how to change that.
I’m afraid that one day you’ll leave me. So much so that everytime we argue I cannot react, because I simply do not know how to face that possibility.
————-
To those of you who don’t know, http://postsecret.blogspot.com is a site where people post up their secrets anonymously. Great outlet if there’s a secret one just needs to let out. Some of them are so juicy haha, and others are just too sad.
Remember how i told you my computer ALWAYS malfunctions at the eve of my exams? Guess what. haha.
Both my dad’s and mine crashed. We plugged in the old com so that I could access my SAT notes.
the speaker and the graphics aren’t working. so no diablo2 or music for me. technology loves my future, apparently.
